Indian News

Indian newspapers have discovered the formula for capturing my attention.  I actually set my alarm earlier each morning, just so I have sufficient time to read the paper at breakfast.  Is it the quality of journalism?  In-depth business news? Balanced international coverage?  Nope, none of those (very valid reasons).  I read the paper in search of entertainment value, and India always lives up to my lofty expectations.  

It all starts with the headlines...

Typical Headline from Times of India

I'm sure Taylor Swift's preference for fully-clothed photo shoots is important to some people, but does this really trump all other news from the day?  

Even the phrasing of the headline makes me smile.  For the record, I like to keep on my clothes too.  

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Remember the personals section (before online dating came along)?  It still exists in India, but at a much more intense level.  Most Indians can't be bothered with a long courtship process... Here, people cut right to the chase and advertise for spouses.  Every Sunday, I am greeted with several pages of "matrimonials":

It seems as though most people desire a spouse that is fair-skinned, well-educated, and handsome/beautiful.  Caste is less of a concern these days, although Doctors (including "Dr. Boy" above) prefer to marry other doctors.  

On a similar note, if I ever decide to get married, I have a feeling that my fair skin and elite education would make me quite the catch in India...   

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Once marriage is finalized, the real problems set in: sexual compatibility.  My favorite section of the Ahmedabad paper was the daily sex advice columnist.   

I could have filled an entire blog entry with all the amazing questions I read about in this section, but I'll keep it short and post only one: 

Would Ru-Paul agree that this poor guy needs to visit a doctor for his cross-dressing tendencies?  I somewhat agree with the columnist's advice; but who knows - maybe this 18-year-old's "life partner" would enjoy that kind of thing...

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Amidst so many exciting sections, there is bound to be one snoozer.  The "personal announcement" section is where people announce name changes.  

I am genuinely curious...Does anyone care that this guy changed his minor son's name from  "Apurve" to "Appurv"? (As long as he is not 'a perv'  <knee slap>)

For the record, the above photo is just a very small part of the entire "Personal Announcements" section.  (Would anyone actually read this entire thing?) 

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I also came across this beauty one morning:  

Where can I get an "unmarried certificate"??  I would most certainly frame that certificate and display it right next to my college diploma. #winning. 

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Here's a story that would fall under the category: "Only in India"

Can someone explain to me how removing shoes and socks would prevent someone from copying?  Are they writing the answers on their feet?  

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I wonder how Hugh Hefner would feel about this next article: 

I would consider this article more of a comedic parody than an actual story.  I love how they imply that a nude picture can be called obscene if "it has the tendency to arouse a feeling or reveal an overt sexual desire."  For the record, Americans have a much less eloquent term to describe when someone "reveals overt sexual desire".

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In other news, Indian psychiatrists are finally starting to discover what first-world countries have known for years:   

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I think it is important to hear about all the most important news from around the world and Indian newspapers also have a special niche in the International category.  Who wants to read about the global economy when they can enjoy articles about cow farts?

Obviously Indian newspapers also report on serious news, but I much prefer to be entertained in the morning.  For this reason, I will always pick up a newspaper when I travel in India and search for articles that put a smile on my face.